Pity ...

I went to the movies today with a friend and watchend the new SatC movie. It wasn't too bad, but I've seen better movies lol.

Afterwards we talked a bit, also about the Eurovision Song Contest which will take place tonight. I was planning to cuddle up on my couch and watch it on TV. She and some more of my friends were invited by somebody I hardly know for a Song Contest Party. After we both headed home, she called me and told me I was suddenly invited too ... It feels so much like a pity invite cause she heard I would be home alone.

Don't know if I should go. could be fun. but i don't want any pity. what for anyway? I'm content with my hot chocolate and my blanket on my couch.

Home ...

is where the heart is ...

Where is my heart? Is it with my family? Who is my family? Is it my Dad? Is it my mother? My sisters? My Grandparents? My cousins? My boyfriend?

Why must it be so hard? Why must family live on different continents? Different cities?

Where do I feel at home? I feel home with my boyfriend, my love. But I also feel home when I am back at the family picnic. Back with my family.

My life could be different if my parents hadn't split up. Would it be better? Would it be worse? Would I be a different person? Would I hate my Dad cause he was too strict when I grew up? Would I love my mother? Would I be successful at a job? Would I have dated a lot during Highschool?

Well, I'll never know. I only know how my life has turned out not how it would have.

Maybe I should put aside all those questions. Most of them were with me all my life. But maybe I should just see what I have: a lovin boyfriend who means everything to me, great friends who would go through fire for me, and a family I am not seeing often, but I love them nevertheless.

I am a lucky girl, if I look at it that way. I can't have it all even if I wish. But sometimes I do.

Why can't life be easier? Or at least feelings?

Snooker

Yesterday my boyfriend and I went to play Snooker with another couple. I was pretty much fun, though I really suck at it. we lost the first 2 games, but i didn't really care cause it was fun. then, the third game I didn't play and made a break. so my boyfriend was on his own against the other couple.
it didn't take long until they argued. he forgot once or twice to let her shoot, so she was sooooo pissed. they argued pretty bad and she almost left without him.
after this game we ended the snooker experience.

well, afterwards I felt really bad. I kinda felt good during their argument, cause for once it wasn't me and my boyfriend who were arguing. besides did we ever fight that hard?

Am I a bad person?

Confused

confused feelings
confused hearts
confused relationship
confused thoughts
confused mind

but one thing is crystal clear

Today is awesome, because .... :)

Today was a pretty eventful day already (it's not even over yet).

First, while cleaning, I found my boyfriends ring and two of his ear-piercings. That was awesome cause we thought we lost them during moving. And I found my ID. Yeah I didn't know where it was, but I found it in one of my purses. should have put it in my wallet ...
Then I went grocery shopping and bought myself chocolate pudding. I haven't had that for an eternity. so this is awesome too ;)
On my way home I saw some teenage boys (little hoppers) how they tried to crack a cigarette machine open. I called the police. As far as I know they didn't get them though. That was not that awesome, but exciting ;)
And I had cake already today :D
And I'll go out tonight. My boyfriend wants to take me to a little pub in Munich. I never was there before.
And yesterday when I met some friends, they told me something great. well, kinda. One of our group died of cancer some while ago. and the heirs now got everything she wanted them to have. the rest she wants us to have, says her will. so all of her clothes, plates, cupboards etc belongs to us and on Saturday we'll all meet to share that. I can't get her clothes cause she was half of me :D but she owned 3 shoe closets, and I want one of them, cause we don't have one. So this is awesome too :D (kinda)

Love ya all :X

My Silvester ...

... was aweful.

We were invited to my boyfriends best friend (I don't like him). They live in a small village an hour away from us. this family has money and you can see it everywhere in their house. This 30-year old man lives still with his mommy by the way. they are snobs!
But very good party hosts ... (get the irony?)
oh I had so much fun! How wouldn't I? It's so much fun doing the dishes while the host is sitting in the living room, watching TV and smooching with his girlfriend.

I was so angry. My mood was really bad and I told my boyfriend about what I was thinking. And all he could think of to say was: "That's him. He was always like this." Oh my!

So: Happy New year! lol

Tuesday? Already?

Time flys by right now.

Today a friend will visit. We know each other since I was a baby. She is the daughter of my past all-day babysitter. She used to be my best friend. When I was 10 I ended the friendship because I had the feeling everything I got from her was lies. So we hadn't had any contact for another 10 years. Some months ago I got a letter from her saying she wanted contact again and that she is now married and has a child. A little daugther. So we have contact again and we visit each other every now and then. It's so strange! We share so many memories but still ... she is a stranger to me nowadays. We grew up as sisters but we don't have much in common anymore. Too many disapointments ...



Music Tip of the day:

i just love Abba and I love the movie Mamma Mia

The Winner Takes It All - Full Track - Mamma Mia The Movie

Stubborness

Stubborness is stupid. My boyfriend and I are both so stubborn. Somehow I also tend to have stubborn friends. It's so stupid. Stubborn people argue and fight often with people they love just because they want to be right. (Of course, when I fight with my boyfriend I AM right!) ;)

Thoughts

Something is happening. I feel it. I am not a child anymore. I see things so differently. There is something in the air. There a new people who become important for me, for my life. That's good. Other friends are at a point where they don't know where to turn. Other friends are so happy and content just with themselves. Others are sad beyond anything. I feel it. Change. To the better? To the worse?