Pity ...

I went to the movies today with a friend and watchend the new SatC movie. It wasn't too bad, but I've seen better movies lol.

Afterwards we talked a bit, also about the Eurovision Song Contest which will take place tonight. I was planning to cuddle up on my couch and watch it on TV. She and some more of my friends were invited by somebody I hardly know for a Song Contest Party. After we both headed home, she called me and told me I was suddenly invited too ... It feels so much like a pity invite cause she heard I would be home alone.

Don't know if I should go. could be fun. but i don't want any pity. what for anyway? I'm content with my hot chocolate and my blanket on my couch.

YouTube sucks more every day!

My account SasasFavorites got deleted. Well, I kinda foresaw that, since I was uploading movies and music and such.

I wanted to create a new account to reupload my stuff ... well, when you create an account now, you have to give your cell phone number ... they call or text message you to verify you are a real person ... well, that's it then ...

Gonna start looking for a new video site or a new way to broadcast movies and music to the people ...

It's all about Sex, Baby!

This vid is not suitable for minors, so DON'T watch it when you're a minor lol

Home ...

is where the heart is ...

Where is my heart? Is it with my family? Who is my family? Is it my Dad? Is it my mother? My sisters? My Grandparents? My cousins? My boyfriend?

Why must it be so hard? Why must family live on different continents? Different cities?

Where do I feel at home? I feel home with my boyfriend, my love. But I also feel home when I am back at the family picnic. Back with my family.

My life could be different if my parents hadn't split up. Would it be better? Would it be worse? Would I be a different person? Would I hate my Dad cause he was too strict when I grew up? Would I love my mother? Would I be successful at a job? Would I have dated a lot during Highschool?

Well, I'll never know. I only know how my life has turned out not how it would have.

Maybe I should put aside all those questions. Most of them were with me all my life. But maybe I should just see what I have: a lovin boyfriend who means everything to me, great friends who would go through fire for me, and a family I am not seeing often, but I love them nevertheless.

I am a lucky girl, if I look at it that way. I can't have it all even if I wish. But sometimes I do.

Why can't life be easier? Or at least feelings?

Talent ...

is a wonderful thing. I don't have any :) , but I'm really proud to have relatives who do.

Like my cousin Jackie. Her talent is to touch peoples heart and soul with her words. She now started a blog where she hopefully will put up a lot of those. she started with this "little something":

http://epicsbehindeyelids.blogspot.com/2009/10/needles.html?showComment=1256983110007#c7775674628729089753

Please read it and let her now your thoughts :)

Love,

Sasa

80 sec around the world - travel with us :)

Poem

Theodor Fontane:
John Maynard!
- Translated by Julie and Amy Huberman -

"Who is John Maynard?"

"John Maynard was our helmsman true.
To solid land he carried us through.
He saved our lives, our noble king.
He died for us; his praise we sing.
John Maynard."

*

From Detroit to Buffalo
As mist sprays her bow like flakes of snow
Over Lake Erie the "Swallow" takes flight
And every heart is joyful and light.
In the dusk, the passengers all
Can already make out the dim landfall,
And approaching John Maynard, their hearts free of care,
They ask of their helmsman, "Are we almost there?"
He looks around and toward the shore:
"Still 30 minutes.... a half hour more."

All hearts are happy, all hearts are light --
Then out of the hold comes a cry of fright.
"Fire!" it is, that terrified shout.
From the cabin and hatch black smoke pours out.
Smoke, then fire and flames aglow,
And still 20 minutes to Buffalo.

And the passengers, in a colorful crowd
Stand pressed together on the bow.
Up on the bow there is still air and light
But the smoke at the helm forms a thick, dark night.
"Where are we? Where?" the men must know,
And still 15 minutes to Buffalo. --

The wind grows strong but the smoke cloud stays.
To the helm the captain turns his gaze.
The helmsman is hidden by the raging fires
But through the bullhorn the captain enquires:
"Still there, John Maynard?"
"Yes, sir. I am."
"Onto the beach! Into the surf!"
"Yes, sir. That's my plan."
And the people cry: "Hold on! Hallo!"
And still 10 minutes to Buffalo.--

"Still there, John Maynard?" And the answer is clear,
Though with dying voice: "Yes, sir. I'm still here."
And in the surf, rocks, obstacles afloat,
Into their midst he plunges the boat.
To be saved, it's the only way to go.
Salvation: the shores of Buffalo!

*

The fire is out. The ship's run aground.
All are saved. Only one can't be found.

*

The bells ring out, their notes all fly
From churches and chapels to heaven on high.
The city is still but for funeral bells.
For one service only the sad sound swells:
In the procession ten thousand go by,
Or maybe more -- and not one dry eye.

With layers of flowers the grave they soften.
Under more flowers they bury the coffin.
With golden script in marble stone
The city has its tribute shown:

"Here lies John Maynard! In smoke and fire
He held fast to the wheel; he did not tire.
He saved our lives, our noble king.
He died for us; his praise we sing.
John Maynard!"

by Theodor Fontane